Romancing the Umbridge
by livingIngray
Summary: Hermione knew from experiences in her own modern world that falling in love changed people for the better. Why wouldn't it be the same for Umbridge? However Hermione just didn't calculate a scheming Malfoy into her plans.


Title: Romancing the Umbridge  
Pairing: Draco/Hermione  
Summary: Hermione knew from experiences in her own modern world that falling in love changed people for the better. Why wouldn't it be the same for Umbridge? However Hermione just didn't calculate a scheming Malfoy into her plans.  
**A/N: **Short oneshot about my favorite pairing Draco/Hermione. Everything in italics is Draco's inner thoughts. The poems are quite mushy and I suck at poetry xD Going to be a two part oneshot.

_Dear My Love,_

_Roses are red_  
_Violets are blue_  
_Your lovely pink outfits_  
_Gives me happy thoughts of you_  
- _Anonymous_

Draco stared at the letter and burst out in loud laughter.

"BE QUIET." Umbridge roared at the silver haired boy. Draco immediately stopped his laughter at the command. However he soon thought of the letter again and he had to bite his lip to contain his upcoming laughter.

"Now, Mr. Malfoy, you must find out who has been sending me these...these...disgusting letters."

"Letters? Wait there is more than one?" Draco sputtered out.

"Yes, there is more than one. I have been receiving these for a month now. One letter every week."

_Must contain your laughter, Draco._

"Oh, may I see the other letters?"

"Of course not! This letter was the least worst of the bunch. The rest of them are even worse!"

_I'm not sure how it could get any worst..._

"So I have to find who has been giving the letters...Professor Umbridge, couldn't you just track the owl?"

"Now, Mr. Malfoy, a thing you must know about owls is that they are very efficient in what they do. They deliver letters expeditiously - not even a broom can keep up with an owl. And you can't be possibly suggesting that I spend all my time chasing down these stupid letters."

"Then how am I-"

"Use our brain Mr. Malfoy! Prove to me that you are a member of the Malfoy family."

"Yes, Professor Umbridge," Draco replied while bowing his head down slightly.

* * *

"Oi! So you're telling me that someone has been sending the Ministry Hag love letters? Blimey, whoever they are must be quite barmy," said Blaise while chewing on some toast. Blaise swallowed his toast and continued his inquiry about the letters. "It's probably just some stupid prank. My bet would be on the Weasley twins."

"At first, I thought it might just be a prank but pulling a prank like this would only require you to send one letter...certainly not four," said Draco thoughtfully.

"Four letters! Crikey, maybe the old hag has an admirer. I put my money on the old Filch," said Blaise with a little chuckle.

Draco did not respond and was instead staring at the letter. After a moment he said, "Don't you think that this sounds a little too moony to be Filch?"

"Every guy gets moony when it comes to girls mate. Even someone as cranky as Filch."

Draco scoffed and rolled his eyes.

_Love only turns a man into a complete loon. Everyone gets a little loony when it comes to love..._

"I got it!" said Draco with a shout he suddenly stood up and left the dining hall in search of Umbridge. Leaving Blaise to stare at his retreating friend in a confused stupor.

* * *

Draco knocked on the door leading to the Headmistress' office.

"Come in. Come in."

Draco entered her office and rolled his eyes quickly (so the Headmistress would not notice) at the kitten plates adorning the office walls.

_Why is everyone at this school freaks? _

Dolores Umbridge looked up from the letter she was currently writing and plastered on her fake sweet smile.

"Oh, it is just you, Mr. Malfoy. Any progress?" she asked as she reached for her cup of tea.

"No progress yet but I have an idea."

"What is that idea, Mr. Malfoy?" she asked in her childish high pitched voice with one of her eyebrows raised.

"Have you tried responding back to the letters?"

"Of course not, Mr. Malfoy, that's just preposterous!" she responded with a slam of her fist on her un-cluttered desk.

_So dramatic - what are you ten?_

"I was suggesting that maybe if you replied to the letters then that will help figure out who this person is. You know, playing along?"

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy, I am not daft but I am not certainly not replying to any of those stupid letters. I hired you, Mr. Malfoy, because you have a certain reputation around here. Are you not the best person for the job?"

_I don't think there is any qualified person for this job._

"Of course. I'm a Malfoy after all. I shall reply to the letters then."

"You do that. Now, as you can see, I am quite busy."

"Um, yes, of course," Draco said with a smile and then left her office.

* * *

"Why don't you ask Pansy? How the hell am I supposed to know?" asked Blaise loudly.

"Keep your voice down! And, fine, I'll just write it on my own."

"Scared of Pansy, eh, Draco?" said Blaise cheekily.

"I'm not scared of her," Draco said with a scoff as he took out a quill and some parchment, "Haven't you ever wooed ladies with a love letter?"

"Pfft. Of course not. I just use my natural Slytherin charm," said Blaise as a winked at a passing first year.

_I think it's called the natural pedophile charm. _

"Whatever you say mate," replied Draco as he began to write the letter.

* * *

_Dear Anonymous,_

_I long for your letters each day_  
_Each outfit I pick out is to catch your eye_  
_I hope when I walk down the halls I pass you by _  
_Why won't you reveal your name? _

_~Dolores Umbridge_

Hermione blinked slowly then laughed quietly into her hands. She didn't want to wake up Lavender or Parvati with her laughter and Merlin knows how much those two loved to gossip. Hermione had never expected Umbridge to respond. Maybe she really was desperate for love. Her plan was finally starting to go her way. After sending the four love letters and not getting any response she was starting to lose heart in the plan she had made up to get Umbridge to fall in love. She had thought herself crazy to try and get one of the most insane witches to become enamoured but Hermione knew it was possible for anyone to fall in love no matter how insane they were. Maybe even Voldemort. Now that was a funny thought. Hermione rolled the letter back up and put it under her pillow. She decided to get some rest before she wrote a reply.

* * *

_Dear my lovely pink flower,_

_My name I cannot reveal_  
_In fear you do not have the same feels _  
_That I do of you my dear _  
_Please show me you are sincere_

_~Anonymous _

"It's even more disgusting than the last one. Mr. Malfoy are you sure you know what you are doing?" asked Umbridge in her nasally childish voice.

_Falling right into the palm of my hands. Hm...please show me you are sincere._

"I will be able to solve this in a week's time, Headmistress."

Umbridge nodded and then went back to writing her reports and drinking her tea.

* * *

_Dear Anonymous,_

_How shall I show you?_  
_How much your letters mean to me _  
_Your identity may remain a secret_  
_But then our love can never be _

_~Dolores Umbridge_

Hermione read over the letter for the millionth time in her room. Something definitely seemed fishy. Surely Umbridge wouldn't have fallen for her letters so soon. Hermione sighed. She was confused and she should really be sleeping or studying for her tests. Yet here she was in the middle of the night reading over a love letter and deciding how to respond. Well, if this was a joke then Hermione didn't mind playing along. The person surely didn't know that they were messing with the brightest witch of her age. Hermione smirked and reached over to her desk for her quill. Let the games begin.

* * *

_Dear the object of my fancy,_

_To show me how much you care_  
_Simply wear a pink rose in your hair_  
_My favorite flower please represent _  
_Then I will know that the words you say you meant _

_~Anonymous _

_Dear Anonymous,_

_A pink rose I shall wear _  
_The whole day tomorrow to show I care_  
_I hope you will see_  
_My sincerity_

_~Dolores Umbridge_

Hermione rolled her eyes as she stared at the letter. Like Umbridge was actually going to wear a pink rose the whole day today. Well looks like the game was over before it begun.

"Hurry up, Hermione, Defense against the Dark Arts is starting soon. Usually you're already in class by now," said Harry with a confused expression evident on his face.

"Oh sorry, Harry, I was a bit distracted," Hermione said with a smile. The trio walked into their DADA class and took their seats. Umbridge had yet to arrive which was strange since she was always waiting for her students with that sick sugary smile on her face.

Like always when a teacher was not yet present in class, all the students were quite talkative and causing quite a commotion.

"Hem-Hem!"

The class immediately quieted down and all turned to face the entrance where Umbridge had just entered from. Hermione at the time was deciding which quill to use to do her notes today and therefore missed the entrance of Umbridge. As Umbridge walked down the mid lane of the class, some of the students erupted into quiet snickers.

"Do you see that rose in her hair? Is that a new fashion statement?"

"She goes way too overboard with all that pink."

"Who picks out her clothing? The pink fairy?"

"QUIET! Now class open up your books to page 225. We are going to be learning a new topic today...Ms. Granger, I suggest you open your book and stop your gaping."

Hermione nodded and did as she was told.

"Caught in the act, eh, Hermione?" said Ron while laughing quietly. Hermione quickly glared at him and then sighed...Could it be that Umbridge really was falling for the letters?

* * *

Through the next week the letters between Draco and Hermione continued back and forth. Hermione was still convinced she was being duped but she was not sure how to figure out what exactly was going on. Until one day she got a letter that had her completely stumped on what to do.

_Dear Anonymous,_

_All these poems are growing old _  
_I want to see your face_  
_I don't mean to be so bold_  
_But if you cannot reveal who you are_  
_Then I guess this is where we part_

_~ Dolores Umbridge_

Hermione wasn't sure how to respond or how to act. If Umbridge was really the one writing these letters back to her then her not responding back in an affirmative would definitely break the woman's heart and make her colder than she already was. If the person was not Umbridge and she accepted then she would be found out and definitely be reported since the person was probably working for Umbridge. But at the same time Hermione was quite curious - well insanely curious would be the right term - about who the identity of the writer was. If it was not Umbridge then who could it possibly be? Hermione sighed and got her quill and paper to write her response. Sometimes curiosity wins over sense.

**A/N: Hope u guys enjoyed this. Plz review your comments or thoughts :) I will post the 2nd part soon. Also I will be updating Nobody Else soon didnt give up on it I promise :) School is just rough T.T**


End file.
